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Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory. “Dr Bessel Ban der Kolk”

Trauma is anything that our system can’t handle or process. It is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.

Trauma is a terrible event or experience that makes a person feel overwhelmed, anxious or fearful. When a person experiences a traumatic event, the impact is felt as a physical and psychological wound. Everyone reacts to different trauma in different ways. For some, it all is encompassing, for others it is just another terrible event. No event is worse or less, whether there was harm or anticipated harm, or whether it was witnessed or experienced. Experiencing trauma alters your life.

Types of traumas:

Rape or threat of rape, sexual assault, childhood sexual abuse, gang and community violence, home invasion, violent assaults, hijacking, traumatic death, terminal illness, life-threatening illnesses, near-death experience, loss due to death by suicide, death of a child, death of a pet, being involved in or witnessing an accident, abuse, neglect, bullying, riots, natural disasters, war, witnessing of traumatic events. There are many other types and forms of traumatic events that are not listed here.

The body has an inbuilt automatic response to traumatic events, called the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response. There is no right or wrong response, only what our body does to ensure the best possible chance of survival at that time. For example, one way of protecting ourselves is to dissociate from the event, this coping strategy involves avoidance and removing the person from the here and now of the traumatic event and often involves blocking painful memories and thoughts.

Experiencing traumatic events often leaves people feeling shocked, overwhelmed, and separated from daily life. It can result in reliving the event, experiencing nightmares, and having reactions to sounds, smells, sights, and sensations that were involved in the traumatic event. This is because trauma events are stored in the mind and the body. This is normal and with the support of family and friends, this intense normal response should get less and less disturbing. Especially when you can work through and talk about the event with others who have experienced the same or similar experiences.

When to reach out for help?

Do not suffer alone. If you are still feeling that you are not coping, feeling anxious, depressed, fearful, frightened, or you are having frequent nightmares or flashbacks. If your mood has changed and you are experiencing mood swings of anger and rage. Have you lost the energy to engage in activities you normally enjoy, or maybe you are using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain? Perhaps your family and friends are worried about you and your anxiety is affecting your work, studies, or relationships. If any of the above relates to how you are feeling, reach out for help and support.

As a palliative care nurse, death and the care of the dying and their families have been an integral part of my professional experience. Now as a Specialist Wellness Counsellor I am passionate about bringing my knowledge and skills to those that have experienced grief and loss. Walking the journey together through grief work to provide comfort and hope.

Grief is the emotional response that is experienced when someone dies. It involves intense loss, sadness, sorrow and at times anger, disbelief and even relief. Grief and loss not only involve the death of someone but can also be felt when there is a divorce, loss of job, loss of role due to illness or disability, loss of family and friends due to conflict or having to leave an area to escape toxic relationships.

When someone dies life has altered, a person who was a physical part of your life now continues in the moments and memories shared. Grief work is the process of living without the person. It is felt in the moments when you go to share, and they are not there, of the daily life patterns that involved them, and now they don’t, the room or house that is empty of their physical presence, beds not slept in, cups unused, clothes unworn, conversations that can no longer be had.

The grief that is experienced will depend on the relationship and bond that was held with the person that died, not all relationships are loving, and this can leave us wondering why we feel loss and grief at all. The is normal and often reflects that each loss that we experience can trigger losses that have been experienced before. It can also be about the lost opportunities to connect or lost relationships, or the inability to get acknowledgement of hurt that was never addressed.

Like the waves in the ocean, grief takes every person on their own journey, at first, it can feel like you have been submerged in the deep ocean and cannot catch your breath. Grief pain and loss cut deep into the heart and can feel like physical pain, at times it can be so intense that it is difficult to catch your breath. Grief pain ebbs and flows, it can change hour by hour, day by day, week by week, year by year. One minute it can gently brush you as memories awaken the loss and grief of the missing person, or it can come crashing like a huge wave and send you flying to the bottom of the ocean floor. This is the normal pattern of grief work, and everyone will experience grief differently.

Kubler- Ross described the stages of grief as denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance, latterly the stage of meaning was added. Kubler-Ross described meaning-making as the final integration of loss into the living person’s life. Kubler-Ross’s grief stages are not set in an ordered fashion, and people can move between them, return to a stage, or even become stuck in one stage.

I like the perspective of Hope Edelman who in their book titled ‘The AfterGrief’, speaks of finding a way to live after loss. I particularly resonate with the concept that while living with grief may be a lifelong process, it does not need to be a struggle. Nor should it be ignored or not spoken about. This book is a must-read for everyone.

Below is a short message from a client. Luke’s message on grief.

It’s gonna be hard but feel the feeling and don’t hold onto it.
Feel it, be sad and then let it go.
Let me talk about grief. Grief is never gonna go away, it’s always gonna be there but I can tell you the gaps between being very sad and being happy will get longer. It’s hard right now. I know I’ve been through the same thing as you. When you remember your dad. Or hear a song that reminds you of your dad, talk to your dad. See what happens your brain might just immediately react. Maybe you need to think but if you don’t think and you just get the answer, know that’s him telling you what he has done, so whenever you want, whenever you can say hi, see what happens, maybe maybe he won’t respond maybe he will speak to you. Do it. You may think I’m crazy. I’m doing it but just try.

I believe that we never get over the death of someone, but I do think that life falls into a different pattern, that we smile again, that the tears come less often, and that we can even remember the person without intense pain. I also believe that an important part of grief work and healing is working through relationships that have nurtured us and those that have hurt us.

How can we support someone when they are grieving?

• Stay around and check in, In the first days and weeks and even months people get a lot of support, but life moves on and people check in less often.
• Remember dates like death dates, birthdays and anniversaries, holidays, and Christmas. These can be incredibly lonely and difficult periods.
• Talk about the person who has died, so often the person who died becomes a taboo subject in case it upsets the grieving person.
• There is no time limit on grief, some hide their pain well to shield others, and some struggle to get out of bed and find joy in life. If you are concerned about the grieving person reach out for counselling help and support and reach out to family and friends.
• Anger is normal, let the grieving person vent their anger, at the world, at the person who died, and that life continues. However, anger that continues for a long period, more than months should be a flag and that person should be encouraged to seek counselling support and or a grief support group.
• It’s okay to laugh and feel happy, your life is still being lived, guilt is another common emotion that is felt by many people. Working through the emotion and feelings of guilt is an important part of grief work.
• Routine is key, if all you can do is get showered and dressed in the first few days and weeks that ok. What is important is to keep a daily routine, remember to eat, and drink, walk outside in the fresh air and keep in touch with friends and family.
• It’s okay to cry, a shower is a great place for this, let the water run hot, have a good cry and then when the water stops, you can dry your face and begin the day. Set aside time to feel your emotions, keep a journal and set aside time for grief.
• Talk to children and family members about death and loss, the loss of a beloved pet can be as intense as any loss of a human family member.
• Children are often more resilient and practical than adults and deal with loss and grief in many ways, they may be in tears in one moment and playing the next. The most important aspect is that they feel safe and can express their emotions when they feel them.

When to seek help?

If you or a loved one is struggling to cope with daily life if the grieving period has become prolonged, or if you feel that life is too much to cope with. Often death and loss can be traumatic and unexpected, even expected death can be difficult to process. Reach out for counselling support.

Cannabis, Dagga, Weed. Things to know?

Cannabis was legalised for personal use in September 2018.

The United Nations estimates that 125 to 227 million people use cannabis worldwide. South Africa is not the first country to legalise cannabis, but it is the first African country to do so. The South African Community Epidemiology Network on Drug Use (2019) states that cannabis is the most common illicit drug used in South Africa.

What is Cannabis and what does it do?

Cannabis or marijuana is the greenish-grey dried leaves of Cannabis Sativa and is known by the name grass, weed, dagga, herb, pot, ganja, Mary Jane and many more. When cannabis leaves and buds are consumed, they produce mind-altering effects, and as such cannabis is known as a psychoactive drug. THC or delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol is the main chemical found in the female plant leaves and buds that produces a mind-altering effect. However, the cannabis plant has over 500 chemical compounds, 100 of which are known to be related to THC and these are called cannabinoids.  CBD is cannabidol the psychoactive cannabinoid that is no-intoxicating and is often used medically, THC is the main psychoactive cannabinoid and is responsible for the ‘high’ effect which changes people’s perception and mood.   

How is cannabis used?

Cannabis can be smoked in hand-rolled joints, smoked in water pipes called bongs, or inhaled in vapes and used in blunts which are hand-rolled cigar wraps. Cannabis can also be consumed in tea, eaten in brownies, cookies, or sweets.

Stronger forms of cannabis are used in resins from the female part of the plant called sinsemilla and is used in honey-like hash oil, waxy budder and a hard amber-like shatter, these resins are used medically and recreationally.     

Does legalising cannabis mean it is harmless?

Current research has yet to prove or disprove that there are long-term adverse effects from taking cannabis. What is known is that individuals who start using cannabis from a young age and before the age of 18 years and those that consume high doses of cannabis over a long period are at risk of developing cannabis use disorder and cognitive impairment.  

Cognitive impairment means that cannabis use has been associated with damage to the parts of the brain that are responsible for thinking, memory, and learning.

 What does this mean? Well, individuals that use cannabis can have impaired judgement when driving, increasing their risk of accidents. Furthermore, research has identified a link between cannabis intoxication and the high number of injuries and deaths that occur on South African roads. In addition, cannabis use, and intoxication has been linked to risky sexual behaviour and is suggested to contribute to sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.   

Why do people use Cannabis?

People use cannabis for many reasons such as experimentation, to conform to social and peer groups, to manage stress and anxiety, for pain relief and to medicate for depression. Other people use cannabis for enjoyment, and to feel confident in developing relationships with other people.

Cannabis use in teenagers and young children often occurs through peer pressure and a need to belong to a group, ‘my group of friends smoke, use cannabis, so I do too’. This is associated with the belief that using cannabis is harmless. Other reasons that teenagers and children use cannabis is to manage stress and anxiety, to aid in sleeping, to improve concentration, and cope with depression.   

Medical use of Cannabis

The medical use of THC has been approved by the US Food and Drug administration for THC-based medicines to alleviate and control the symptoms of nausea in those undergoing chemotherapy and is used for symptom management in the wasting syndrome that occurs in AIDS. Furthermore, medical use of cannabis is used for Multiple Sclerosis patients to control symptoms of spasticity and neuropathic pain. In addition, CBD (Cannabidiol) based medicine is used to treat two forms of severe childhood epilepsy.

Self-medication

Cannabis is often used as a form of self-medication to reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression; however, research indicates that continued cannabis use may in fact make the symptoms of anxiety and depression worse, and in high doses is even known to cause paranoia and psychosis.

Is cannabis a gateway drug?

Research has indicated that 9% of cannabis users will go on to develop Cannabis Use Disorder or combined substance abuse. 17% of those who begin taking cannabis in adolescence will become daily users. Further research has shown a link between cannabis use with nicotine and alcohol addiction. Current thinking is that using cannabis does not always lead to addiction and many people use cannabis recreationally, without developing Cannabis Use Disorder.

Education is vital

Although cannabis is legal to consume and grow for personal use, it may not be as harmless as the current perception. The current research has yet to find out how severe and permeant the long-term effect on cognitive function is. What is known, is that legalising cannabis has resulted in more young people using cannabis, and more young people are developing Cannabis Use Disorder and other substance abuse dependency.

If you are concerned about your cannabis use, or someone that you love is showing signs of addiction, then reach out and get support.

For more information  https://www.drugabuse.gov/  

Contact

(072) 259-1796
Info@shcounsellingservices.co.za